KKR cheerleader cried not because team lost but it was owner Shah Rukh’s instruction: Satire
Cricket

KKR cheerleader cried not because team lost but it was owner Shah Rukh’s instruction: Satire

As Kolkata Knight Rider went down to the Sunrisers Hyderabad in the eliminator at Feroze Shah Kotla, something not quite looked right: from nowhere a cheerleader suddenly can’t hold on to her emotion, with pearl shaped tears dripping down her beautiful face, it was a heart-breaking moment for sure. The cheer-girl is a South African, though possibly of Russian descent.

The drab affair at the Kotla came alive when Lisa Heather (name changed for privacy sake) started to weep inconsolably in the final over, the very same time Gautam Gambhir removed his pads. In Knight Riders circles, it’s an open secret that when Gambhir takes off his pads, the fat lady has sung or in this case, it’s time for the cheerleader to cry.

In IPL, cheerleaders are well known to be mindlessly mirthful at the very worst of times, applauding every wicket, even if that one is of their own and dancing with high spirit even if their bowlers are flogged for Yes Bank Maximums.

Until Shah Rukh Khan came to their rescue. Fresh from playing two roles in one movie, the Fan superstar, declared he was ready for yet another cameo. Not as senior or a junior but as the middleman in this case. SRK was eager to train the cheerleaders to showcase their “inner beauty” in a way which would do “the first Miss Universe Sushi Sen proud”.

SRK as usual with his compelling best as always impressed the IPL head honchos when he clarified, “its 20 years since Sushi won the Miss Universe crown… today still everybody loves Sushi… and I don’t mean those Japanese rolls, Sushi… I mean… of course, you kkkknow what I-I-I mean… how did she win it? By being over-the-t-t-top B-B-Bollywood… and that’s what we must bring to the IPL, gentlemen”. Concluded SRK addressing them as gentlemen is what thought to be swung the deal.

SRK took started his secret tutorial with two Kolkata Knight Riders cheerleaders. He actually tried to train them in the art of hamming and extending their arm skywards. Not only that, he also tutored them with his Earnest School of Acting – one that harks back to films like Swades and Chak De! India. He then brilliantly merged the two approaches of One-Time-Password and Earnest to come up with the new SRK Formula.

And the results were for all to see when the cheerleader wept inconsolably yet not letting go of her sexy persona. Even Lisa’s partner in crime, Narisa Dreushantsk (name changed) was quite overcome with her emotional attyachar, though played second fiddle – SRK had tutored her exceptionally well in the “sad sis” role to play the supporting artist.

“The lead will be the tearjerker, the support cast is there to hold and console the inconsolable one”, King Khan explained quite cheerfully satisfied with the magic of his craft.

Even though his team had been thrown out of the IPL, he later said, he was literally happy with the acting which went into the emotion. Not fazed by Gautam Gambhir, the KKR skipper Shah Rukh said his next big challenge would be to make the captain showcase more emotions. “Gauti gotta understand, he is not playing a deadpan Michael from The Godfather, he has to realize it, this is the IPL… this is simply Bollywood and he is SRK’s skipper… of course I had no chance to do anything with Dada who was a natural non-actor but I have very high hopes for Gauti who seems the angry not so young man… probably a French beard like Bachchan sub will do the business… but then he has such a definite chin…It will be tough.”

Disclaimer: However reasonable this may sound, but this piece is largely a work of fiction.

 

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