Satire: Pietersen to play for India in 2017 Champions Trophy
Cricket

Satire: Kevin Pietersen to play for India in 2017 Champions Trophy


  • In what turned out to be an unprecedented move Board of Control for Cricket in India have eventually flexed their muscle to get Kevin Pietersen to play for India but initially KP will be playing at the domestic level.

    It has been really a significant day in the life of Kevin Pietersen. It has been only last week when some board officials persuaded him to play in the upcoming Ranji Trophy for a hefty price. His relation with the Indian cricket took a new step as BCCI has now offered him a contract today to play Ranji Trophy for Delhi. It’s also believed that in a few months he will be given an Indian citizenship as Prime Minister Narendra Modi is quite impressed with the South Africa-born former England cricketer after he met him in Delhi few weeks back.

    Inside news also reveals this bizarre step will actually accelerate Pietersen’s eligibility to play for India in the 2017 ICC Champions Trophy to be hosted by England. Good news for BCCI is that International Cricket Council has also agreed to BCCI’s proposal of bringing down the eligibility criterion of playing for a country to a staying period of one month.

    Indian cricket fans have a fond memory of Kevin Pietersen for his maverick batting and the tremendous heart he had shown while coming back with his side to play the Tests after the 26/11 tragedy in Mumbai. With his outrageous bravado and a wide range of stroke-play Pietersen was an asset for England in the past.

    Now that he is out of contention for a place in the England team for good and South Africa cricket also reluctant to bring him back, is the gesture from BCCI a wise one? Isn’t Pietersen almost past his prime?

    But in a recent interview to Sportzwiki, Pietersen finally highlighted the real reason: “When BCCI approached me with the proposal I was told specifically that I had been chosen for a reason. As the upcoming Champions Trophy will be played in England, my experience can become a handy one for Indian cricket team and I will also get a golden opportunity to show the English cricket fans, I am still not finished.”

    It has also been revealed that before approaching Pietersen, BCCI tried to lure Mitchell Johnson and Brendon McCullum to play for India but that didn’t work well as both of them literally humiliated the BCCI officials when they contacted.

    But what actually made BCCI go KP-hunting?

    Pietersen looked a bit bored when we were waiting for an answer: “I thought that was obvious. Johnson and McCullum are the most intricately tattooed men in the current world of cricket. Isn’t it obvious that tattoos actually hold the key to success?”

    “If you look closely you can realize the immense raw power and impeccable control Mitch’s left arm generates has a lot to do with the tattoos on the right one. You believe the success lies with the powerful left arm, but it’s the tattooed right-hand that does the trick,” Pietersen further said. “Mitch’s tattoo is basically a Japanese koi, a cat, and some cherry blossoms, which is completely voodoo stuff.”

    “It’s the same for Baz: he had also got his right hand tattooed, and the tattoo, as evident, says CXXVI XLII CCXXIV.” When our curious correspondent wanted to know what it meant, he claimed that the general misconception is that the numbers stand for 126, 42, and 224 in English, but the meaning goes really deeper. “It’s some occult thing you will not get.”

    “Look at the other tattoo stars – Michael Clarke (a lot of tattoos in multiple languages), Lasith Malinga (his wife’s name and a couple of dates), or Dale Steyn (three South Africans) could well have been the special recruitments! For that matter, even you guys have your own Virat Kohli (a samurai warrior and a scorpion)! And just see how well all these men have performed over the past few years!”

    Yes, Pietersen has a point, as does BCCI. They have got something right, at last.

    Disclaimer: This article is written for only humour and is not meant to offend anybody. Please read this piece with a pinch of salt.

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